i never wanted to be a lawyer
until i became an admin
i thought “well if i can do this
boring shit–
i could probably also go to
school for it.”
so i did.
i went to harper college
in schaumburg
and paid my way through a semester
of criminal justice.
where my professor said
“there are too many laywers
be a cop instead.”
and i was like NO!
I WANT TO BE A LAWYER!
and then a politician.
run for office
be hillary clinton!
but like hot.
so i tried.
put my mind to it,
waited tables–
but blogged about
obama and palin.
changed my major
to political science.
and then this guy i dated
(his name was anthony)
was 6’5″ and good looking,
he fake wrestled.
i don’t know,
but he told me
“don’t you have to be smart
to be a lawyer?”
and i broke up with him there
on a woodstock chair,
right in the middle of the town square.
where they filmed groundhog day.
it’s that little town’s claim to fame.
they show it at the theater
every year.
however i digress–
i wanted to be a lawyer!
like shech.
the hottest lawyer
i ever worked with.
hotter than conant even.
who later
i had on retainer,
to help me get out of a mess
with a retard.
he was hot too.
i’m so attracted to lawyers.
it’s a weakness.
for sure.
man.
talk to me about black’s law dictionary.
get me on the hook,
tell me about corporate espionage.
read from me pages and pages of
fucking black’s law book!
i wanted to be a lawyer
so i tried.
i quit being an admin.
it was boring and took up 3 years of my life.
i hate data entry.
i like making binders.
you should see this fucking binder i made for my lawyer.
he would cum reading it.
i had all the calls highlighted,
the police reports hole-punched.
i’m like a paralegal as fuck.
but instead i went on youtube, as a server
and became an astrologer.
got fired from the restaurant.
again.
got married and pregnant–
to a man that
doesn’t care that i wanted to be president!
because of a hot lawyer
that helped me with money laundering
THAT I SWEAR I DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO
i was just tying to sound cool…
sorry about that, shech.
it totally never happened.
anyway. i’m a libra
that wanted to be a lawyer.
how insane is that?
