I was wondering what went down when I went to sleep.
To dream of black is all I know except when he’s with me.
Making my mind ache.
Like a True crime you watch when your real life is so unreal.
I was ready at 10.
And I’m not bargaining then.
I was just true to myself
and you made me someone else.
I was trying to scheme to be ready.
You thought I wasn’t nervous?
Well that’s heavy.
I was.
I was naked and afraid
like a child to your slave.
I practiced.
I practiced!
But I Was still so nervous.
And one day it felt like a wishing well.
I had all the guys I’m after promising their undying love.
And I was like OH,
I don’t know what you think.
But loving me is like hitting your head against a kitchen sink.
Over and over.
Until you die.
And my eyes are drown inside.
Like green algae trying to be petrified.
And it’s over.
Like one came forward.
And it’s over.
Like you tore my world over.
And it’s over.
Like it’s always been.
Over.
I wish you never came or rejoiced when I came.
Like a person of 16 I’d pretend I was then.
I wish I was older.
Or a little.
Bit bolder.
To tell you I’m not the one for you.
So now I stand here with you.
Who is certainly worse than you ever were.
I wish I had control over me.
I wish I was the one who made sense out of me.
See I’m a genius
It’s not ego they told me.
I’m a genius.
And each little retard gets to have control
over me
to see if they are better at handling me.
No one is better than me
or the lives I choose to lead.
Me home.
It’s over.
right?
