i wondered why it took you
so long to say you liked my eyes.
you said “i can’t make tips–
in a regular bar, so i hit on guys.”
i went each day to gaze at you
sit at your bar,
and watch you hypnotize.
i remembered you from way back when,
but later i made out with too many men.
i went to gay bars, to be free of my scars,
and then i met you, again
you were queerbating all the gay men,
i was waiting for you to want me–
all the way back then.
one day, you took me back to your place,
said you’re killer to fuck.
so i guess we’ll fuck.
but baby, i’m cool by the way
if you never loved me, i’ll still love you
cuz i’m sure i loved you, all day
i keep rhyming, see i can’t find my timing,
around you, by the way.
I keep laughing, it’s all i do in passing,
the time with you, all day.
see now i’m all the way up,
can’t see the ground
i swear the other girls–
they’ll never bring me down.
i was this make-out whore
always on the run,
always looking to score.
racking up hookups,
that peered.
deep daggers like spears.
into my heart that screamed–
“you’ll never love me
i’ll never be loved!
you’re so far above me
i’ll never be loved!”
but you were there.
surrounded by beer.
but mostly bougie drinks for the gays.
they took me to their bars
to lessen my odds,
that i’d find a bad man to fuck–
it was always in his truck.
but i only “made out”
i told my mother who said:
“are you still a good christian girl?”
while she fucked with my head.
one day, you took me back to your place,
said you’re killer to fuck.
so i guess we’ll fuck.
but baby, i’m cool by the way
if you never loved me, i’ll still love you
cuz i’m sure i loved you, all day
i keep rhyming, see i can’t find my timing,
around you, by the way.
I keep laughing, it’s all i do in passing,
the time with you, all day.
see now i’m all the way up,
can’t see the ground
i swear the other girls–
they’ll never bring me down.
that one year in chicago,
you had platinum blonde hair, like me.
i said “it’s not as tempting
as your regular brown.”
it’s also what they were saying about me,
when they gathered to gossip ’round town–
about me.
we made out,
against the tent.
you took me to “vent”
but you lied.
and you slipped your hand between my thighs.
parted my lips with your tongue.
told me i was “the one”.
so well, umm,
i wanted to tell you that–
baby, i’m cool by the way
if you never loved me, i’ll still love you
cuz i’m sure i loved you, all day
i keep rhyming, see i can’t find my timing,
around you, by the way.
I keep laughing, it’s all i do in passing,
the time with you, all day.
see now i’m all the way up,
can’t see the ground
i swear the other girls–
they’ll never bring me down.
in all the ways, i love you.
and you will always be–
my lover nick miller
erik the great,
leo the sagittarius,
and that man that i hate.
and
the bartender I loved at the gay bar that’s straight.
remember that–
flipping bottles,
is like flipping knives,
just with more glass and vodka on the line.
remember when we both knew all the stans?
they don’t exist anymore, but you do, my man.
(Alyssa for Seb and fixed by Dan Levy)
