Facility Set-Up Technician kid–
is longform for FAST kid.
i used to do all this cool shit.
we were in charge of operations
for a huge mega church
that put on huge conferences
bill clinton, bono, cory booker
melinda gates
all came.
it was insane.
i was a supervisor.
cuz of scott johnson–my main man.
he was my boss
and i was his right hand.
in charge of all of the technical shit
we did traffic
all of it.
from 11-18 years old.
like once, i had to tell bill clinton
how to find bill hybels office
my friend, matt, pissed next to bono.
jim mellado was my boss
he knew caitlyn jenner cuz they both were
olympians
enter kardashians!
but they were invisible.
so were sandra and julia and reese.
jim’s daughter ester, was one of “my girls”
(i was a small group leader)
greg paul came with his sons all the time
from ohio.
logan and jake hung out with me
when they were children.
i babysat them and my cousins, alex and cody, in the atrium.
taylor swift and jen lawrence were in a small group
with my little sister.
it was tayjenandjane.
being annoyed by the paul brothers.
i know all of these fun stories
like that mel gibson is nervous
on stage
NERVOUS!
we held the premiere for
the passion of the christ
at AMC theater
right down the street.
we were FUCKING famous.
in a famous FUCKING place.
one time i was banned from the food court
for “stealing” potatoes.
all i did was put too many toppings on it
for the price of the bowl.
it’s a long stupid story.
dana had to get me potatoes
after that.
cuz we weren’t allowed to drive to get food
it was sunday!
on sunday you eat in the atrium.
otherwise you can’t answer the radio.
you’re too far away.
“alyssa begué”
“go ahead. over.”
“stop saying over. over.”
“never over. over. over.”
it was quite the scene.
it really was.
some of the best days of my life.
and then i got older.
and couldn’t recreate any of the community i had
because everyone in this spiritual community
is fucking up their own asses.
and thinks that you shouldn’t make money
or walk around a building that’s expensive–
you should see how cool willow creek is.
it’s the coolest fucking building.
and all of us would love to be speaking there.
and making money.
and helping the poor.
cuz that church did it too.
basically feeds all of the chicago homeless.
not bad for a christian
money grubbing mega church
it’s better than we are.
i used to swear at bill hybels
and he’d swear back.
he was “such a prick!”
but also like really nice?
“fuck you bill hybels!”
“fuck you fast girl!”
he knew my name
that IS the joke, vicki.
our teenage egos were out of control when
the adults pretended to forget us.
so bill liked to make fun of me
in front of the girls that like “didn’t get it”
about “what makes alyssa so special?”
bill, scott and todd got it.
scott johnson, not scott traeger–who liked me too.
so i was important to the right people.
i get mad at bill now all the time,
but he was a friend once too.
i’m bipolar about bill.
he is too about me.
i don’t like spiritual men
who throw their dick around
he knows that.
so he actually took a fall for me
he really wasn’t that fucking bad
comparably.
and the church needed a lessen
in humility.
for helping rape me.
in the end,
it was $10 an hour.
like the best job a suburban high school kid
could ever have.
so do i honestly chase this feeling?
YES, of course i do.
we all do.
