dear south barrington megachurch elite golf club swingers,
may i ask you a question?
would you date me now, even though i’m still a slut?
i know you would but–
like really would you?
like would you watch my porn
and whack it to it.
then go back to the propers
and let me wear your jacket?
i know the forks
i waited banquets
i know the etiquette
i’m not trying to quit it.
i just know i’m also okay with sex these days
like idk you guys always ask me if you can pay–
but those were my hooking ways.
now i just slut around for free
i don’t know what’s wrong with me.
why do i reject all that money?
i got kicked out of my church
for being TOO popular.
and slutty.
now i walk around the earth
almost too spectacular.
with astrology–
oh shit astrology is evil too.
church goers!?
would you have me?
vanessa would,
she had the relationship book
all the way back in 2005.
and she was popular too.
and i think she’s still there.
maybe pretending…
like they all do.
something i refused to.
TO CHURCH PEOPLE I’M NOT JUST SOME DRUNKEN SLUT
i’m also a walking conversation about who not to be.
that’s why none of you talk to me.
ONLY because of my FUCKING body.
that was raped.
i’ve heard all the conversations about my hips and thighs
the slender opening of my meaty fucking thighs
see my hips aren’t wide. so my thighs touch.
there’s not a lot of space in the middle.
it’s just so weird that you want me to explain myself again.
where were you when todd and i were there
being hot af?
do you remember it?
all the girls hated me.
but i took it in stride
cuz i was on his side
doing god knows what.
“RENOVATORS.”
oh shit, fuck. i forgot.
now i can’t imagine the empty walls
filled with the less hot tofs.
instead of our beautiful brunette locks
and light blue eyes.
“MINE ARE GREEN, DUDE.”
oh shit, fuck. i forgot.
so i lied a second ago.
i wasn’t kicked out for being too popular
I MEAN I WAS. but it didn’t go down that way.
i was raped in my church like medusa.
poseidon didn’t do it, but he kicked me out
because, and i quote, “it’s only rape if you don’t want it and you’re sober.”
since i was drunk, i asked for it.
i didn’t mind sex.
or think poorly of sluts like me.
i minded the man who wanted sex without being hot enough to tempt me.
to the ugly dudes that think they can get me–
that’s rude.
it’s rude to put your dick where it isn’t invited.
i’m sorry you feel slighted.
but i told you that night
i’d get faded
so keep it away.
now i’m JADED.
i’m a slut, cuz men made me drinks to get wasted.
and then laid me down in a bed with a man who i hated.
all the while, you were trying to figure out why we never dated.
BECAUSE I HATED YOU BRETT.
you stalked me at restaurants and hacked into myspace–
trying to get me disgraced.
like you?
i WAS disgraced like you.
but you got to keep your friends.
the ones who supported you.
and never made up stories about you.
what don’t i know about being disgraced?
i had to kiss your rotten garbage face.
and had to watch everyone write blogs about me,
and then talk about me,
like i couldn’t hear.
or that i wasn’t there.
so i left.
BUT YOU NEVER HAD TO BRETT.
you got to stay.
cuz rape is fine if you’re the one doing it.
it’s not okay if you report it.
that’s all she wrote on why women
don’t fucking report it.
so here i am.
just trying to be what they said about me
a real drunken slut
who’s into astrology.
it feels good to be–
the one who everyone already sees.
but whatever, Mia is 3.
not just me.
and she doesn’t care if you watch Her.
she doesn’t want the girls to do things that hurt them.
when honestly i’ve been with all the men.
and it never bothered us 3.
and the rest of my friends.
but it kills the best of them.
if you’re not
deep
faked.
reputation matters.
like the one i had at my church.
the good girl i was off the chat
the one that never smoked or did that
sex craze thing with their christian boyfriends
that all the girls we’re lying about
never having done.
i never did that one.
but now i have.
so south barrington megachurch elite golf club swingers–
would you date me now?
