When I was around 8 years old, I used to create spells with my older friend Kim, her sisters, my younger friends, and our babysitters. My mom had to be gone for this, because off the chat she was a born-again-christian-bible-thumper who wanted to murder me when I told her about Rose doing “light as a feather, stiff as a board, with us, and lifting me and Jane up like, 10 feet.”
On many a fun occasion, my mom, and her friends, would get turned on the chat, and remember interesting tidbits they learned in their witchy youth about cleansing energy. Kris talked to us about sage and eucalyptus and palo santo. My mom said her favorite way–because she didn’t like culturally appropriating–was putting a raw egg in the southwest corner of the house, to take out all the evil and toxins. She said this was German spellcasting.
After 24 hours, you crack the egg and read the yoke:
If the yoke is broke,
Then the house is woke.
If it’s intact,
Put it back.
If you don’t know–eggs carry a strong, feminine cleansing power, because they are the basic building blocks of life. In other words, they are the most pure energy we have in this world.
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The egg. The answer is always the egg.
On another line, my spell-casting friends and I would put crystals up our vaginas to clear our inner energy. SO, when my mom wasn’t around, I thought it be a good idea to stick a raw egg up there, and see what happens. Put two and two together and crack an egg. Well, you see, the egg didn’t crack. I just sucked it up inside me and couldn’t get it out. I actually panicked and stuck a butter knife inside me to crack it, and it wouldn’t crack, so I had to give birth to it, and it was painful. Carolyn and Kim were so impressed with me, they made me leave it in for a day to see what happens.
“Put it back in and give birth to it tomorrow, Alyssa sweetie, we have some information to acquire.”
Umm, did you know that no one else can do this but me? I know it’s like shocking to consider that I’m “the only girl who” can put a raw egg inside me and walk around and jump up and down, and push it out like a baby, without it cracking or the yoke breaking, but I really can do this and have not met another person who can. So if you can, let me know.
So what did happen–after I put this raw egg inside me for 24 hours–is that I visibly started to glow and lose bloat. I literally shit toxic waste. I had to tell my mom, and she was impressed too. So we all changed the line to:
If the yoke is broke,
Then you’re woke.
If it’s intact,
Put it back,
Alyssa.
As in–get another egg and put it back inside you, you toxic still bitch.
Needless to say, I still do this to this day–like if I drink too much, or if I am around too much negative energy, or too many bad people. The eggs do clear you out. It’s not an old wives tale that eggs are AMAZING for cleansing all evil and toxins.
You can buy crystal yoni eggs from crystal shops and metaphysical vendors, but I actually feel the raw egg works better, because of it’s purity, and because you can crack it to analyze the yoke to see if you need to keep it in longer. However, I know that not everyone can do this.
So, say that you can’t just like, not break the egg on entry, my friends figured out how to do it themselves, and still do it this way now.
They wrap a raw egg in aluminum foil, flatten it out so there are no pointy edges, then they stick it up inside themselves. They said it works even better, because the aluminum acts as transmitters to clear you out even faster, and the egg stays in tact (most of the time).
Now, I have tried this way, and did have to have sex right before, because otherwise it is impossible to widen yourself enough to where it doesn’t feel like torture, lmao.
And that is the story about how I stuck an egg up inside me, and everybody learned something about themselves.
EDIT: ANOTHER OPTION IS a few layers of tight plastic wrap if you can’t do aluminum. You want the egg cradled.
