When I look back on my life,
Tracing my fingertips over plastic bags
Thinking that I wish I could contemplation some small intention
Or maybe just get your attention
For a minute or two
Chris Evans
I’m sorry,
I’m just always wondering–
Will I die?
Or will I get to that ten-year mark with the other Chris?
Where I beat the extinction of my own race?
And if I do, will you be there with me, Father, Sister, Brother?
The ones with the same face?
Oh my fucking face.
Alyssa, stop smoking
Josh, will you be with me?
Aidan, Bradley, Ted, will the baby be alright?
Will I have one of mine?
Can I handle it
Even if I do?
You said that I might not
That I’d be a bad fucking mom.
It’s not fair,
Or so they said, it’s not fair
For me to carry a child that’s mine.
I guess I’ll be fine.
They just rewind time.
Ivanka knows it too.
The pain of losing a child that we had just fine.
She should have been mine.
It wasn’t my idea–
This cocktail of things that twist our insides inside
But without these things, I guess I’d die
So I stay alive.
They say there’s irony in my music,
Because it isn’t me.
It’s a tragedy that I see it too.
Give me a man in Chicago, so that my Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, and Dave
Can rest in the sky
In hell with all my shame.
It’s a shame that I’m crying right now
To get to you,
I could save you, if I take my own life
Find your baby, cut out my eyes
And give them to her.
I’ll give you two seconds to cry
I could take you home,
I would give you a blanket
The one my mom threw away so I’d be sad, as a little baby
Bill, your spirit can sit and watch horror films by my side
I’m sorry deep state world,
I just ran through a time when I felt you were doing it to me again.
You’re doing it again.
I couldn’t handle it, I was in Chicago
I couldn’t hear what they said on the telephone
I had to sing for Prince Andrew in two hours
So I sat in the shower
Gave myself two moments to cry
It’s a shame that that’s when I died
Because they didn’t want me to sing
So he saved me
I was fifteen.
I was naked in the shower
The next-door neighbors did a drive-by
They were liars.
Andrew pulled me up by my waist,
My long hair to the beach side
I wanted to go out with Todd, or Chris, I guess the Prince would suffice.
He said, “It’s okay 13 Beaches.”
That’s what he calls me.
“You could die, but I guess
It’s just not your time.”
“They didn’t even give me two minutes.”
“That’s because they thought you’d go on.”
Tina, what kind of mother was she to say I’d end up in institutions?
All I wanted to do was kiss Todd Hybels and sit by the creek.
Twisting lime into the drinks
That we made
Have a baby at sixteen, the town I was born in and died.
The Fox River had nothing on my dreams.
I was a disciple at 16.
Just God to the extremes.
Andrew ended up dead instead of me.
What the fuck’s wrong in your head, to send me away to never come back?
Deep sea fishing in exotic places
All the traces
of their angelic faces.
Dead.
Attacking people’s brains to take the place of me being a child?
Isn’t what the power should have done
That’s why they’re mostly dead.
Shot in the head.
Forever sleeping in their hotel beds.
I always gave myself two seconds to cry.
I let their wrath crash over me,
Like the waves in the sea
Call me Aphrodite
As they bow down to me.
You fucking cowtow to me.
I kill, you see.
Sunbather, moon chaser, queen of apathy
I gave myself two seconds to breathe
And go back to being a fucking angle face queen
I just needed two seconds to be me.
What happened to your friend?
She’s dead.
Aren’t you worried about your own head?
I am me.
Come and get me.
Are you having fun?
She died and you’re still alone.
Funny to the bone.
Lost and gone.
I’ll give you two seconds before I go on.
