i’m in fucking LOVE.
i wish that you knew i was in love
with the northman
but mostly with you.
i wish you knew that i was in lust
with the northman
but mostly with you.
eric northman
alexander lives north, man
maybe in new york?
i’m from chicago
maybe it could work?
ask your brother bill
or valter or gustaf
maybe your dad–stellan
he was in pirates II.
i thought he was hot
yeah, he might know.
if we should give it a go.
i think you can save me.
northern man.
i do astrology
and money laundering
i’ve mastered quickbooks
yoga
tarot
faux painting
waiting tables
bartending
making out
squirting
blogging
vlogging
marathon running
singing
writing
drawing
painting
poetry
photography
trigonometry
counting cards
betting
all without forgetting
my goal of being famous
so you might notice me!
i won most artistic in high school
and almost the biggest crush
my best friend bea and i–
tied.
and we couldn’t decide
so this other girl gave it to viv
who came in 2nd.
and we cried.
i can put a raw egg up inside me
without it breaking
I’M NOT JOKING.
i wish i was.
it’s a crazy party trick.
once people find out i can do it
it’s all i do for people.
every girl who reads this will try it
and fail.
and say “she’s lying.”
I’M FUCKING NOT.
also squirt is not pee.
stop body shaming me.
i also have a good poker face
so i have won hold ’em–
against 20 guys.
took the room by surprise.
but not you.
you weren’t there–
cuz you’re swedish and i’m from the chicago suburbs
fox river grove.
crystal lake.
they called me sohcahtoa girl
cuz i was so good at trig.
i was THAT big.
my measurements are 33/24/34
my shoulders are 41 inches around
I’m 5’5″
everyone thinks i’m fat.
i’m not, i’m soft.
my mom called it my flubber
“fat blubber”
lines my body
like some type of
sweet rubber
notice me!
i’ve been told i’m pretty.
so that’s another thing i got.
i think you’re funny
AND HOT.
i’ve also been told i’m funny.
so we might have that in common
we have in common–
A LOT.
i fucking love swedish meatballs.
GRILLSKÄR.
ikea.
skarsgårdians
of the galaxies.
ROSTAD LÖK.
FUCK.
